This was circulating through emails and it came to me. Enjoy!
A teacher collected well known proverbs. She had twenty-five students in her class and
she presented each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep
in mind that these are first graders (6-year-olds).
1. Better to be safe than...........................punch a 5th grader.
2. Strike while the..................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.........................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of..............termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but.............how?
6. Don't bite the hand that......................looks dirty.
7. No news is......................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a..........................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new.................math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll................stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust.................................me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ...................pigs.
13. An idle mind is..................................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's...................pollution.
15. Happy the bride who ............................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ..............................not much.
17. Two's company, three's .......................the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...............you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as.......................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not...............spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed....................get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind leadeth the blind...............get out of the way.
25. Better late than......................................pregnant
Friday, June 09, 2006
Things To Ponder...
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Fun Quotes
Age Quotes
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom
Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
John Mendoza
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
Robert Quillen
People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
Geoffrey Parfitt
Children Quotes
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp
There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
Benjamin Spock
I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Mitford
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
God Quotes
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.
Arthur C. Clarke
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
Friedrich Nietzsche
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter OToole
Life Quotes
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
Janet Coleman
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
Joey Adams
Love Quotes
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonnette
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henry Youngman
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Laurence J. Peter
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Unknown
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
John Barrymore
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know.
Mistinguette
Absence -- that common cure of love.
Miguel De Cervantes
Marriage Quotes
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Unknown
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom
Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
John Mendoza
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
Robert Quillen
People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
Geoffrey Parfitt
Children Quotes
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp
There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
Benjamin Spock
I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Mitford
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
God Quotes
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.
Arthur C. Clarke
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
Friedrich Nietzsche
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter OToole
Life Quotes
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
Janet Coleman
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
Joey Adams
Love Quotes
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonnette
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henry Youngman
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Laurence J. Peter
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Unknown
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
John Barrymore
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know.
Mistinguette
Absence -- that common cure of love.
Miguel De Cervantes
Marriage Quotes
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Unknown
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
Funny One-Liners
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
A Moment Like This
Wake up to the alarms
Don’t you just hate it when you have to drag yourself from bed to shut off the alarms? Well this morning, I woke up and walked across the room to my phone. I use my phone as an alarm clock and I place it as far from my bed as possible.
To my surprise, I found that the phone was not the source of the noise. So, I thought it must be the other guys’ alarms (I rent a shared room). I listened for the source of the noise, to ascertain the direction from which it was coming from. But none of their alarms were ringing. That was very weird, but I finally concluded that some other bloke living in my building is going to be late since the alarm was still loud and audible. I then ignored it and went on to prepare myself for class.
Do you know, I later realized that the noises sounded familiar? Like those toy guns that had the irritating 2 or 3 tone noise which changes in sequence. Well some people are just plain inconsiderate. Letting their alarm go on and on like that, it’s a pollution of the morning tranquillity. What’s more, this particular fellow was using his/her car alarm. Tsk tsk tsk.
Don’t you just hate it when you have to drag yourself from bed to shut off the alarms? Well this morning, I woke up and walked across the room to my phone. I use my phone as an alarm clock and I place it as far from my bed as possible.
To my surprise, I found that the phone was not the source of the noise. So, I thought it must be the other guys’ alarms (I rent a shared room). I listened for the source of the noise, to ascertain the direction from which it was coming from. But none of their alarms were ringing. That was very weird, but I finally concluded that some other bloke living in my building is going to be late since the alarm was still loud and audible. I then ignored it and went on to prepare myself for class.
Do you know, I later realized that the noises sounded familiar? Like those toy guns that had the irritating 2 or 3 tone noise which changes in sequence. Well some people are just plain inconsiderate. Letting their alarm go on and on like that, it’s a pollution of the morning tranquillity. What’s more, this particular fellow was using his/her car alarm. Tsk tsk tsk.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Public Transport
In this day in age, public transport is a very viable means of combating the global warming issue by lessening the number of vehicles on the road. It is a means of reducing the economy of the dependence on fossil fuel and decreasing the fossil fuel emissions in a country.
But all that aside, I can't for the life of me see this as a realizable option given the state of the Public Transport Service in this country.
For anyone who is a frequent user/commuter, surely you would understand my plight.
Anyone frequenting the routes from Jalan Genting Kelang, Setapak to the TAR College, TBR area should know. Sometimes the busses do not go straight to the TARC main entrance then on to UTAR. Instead, the busses might turn at the first junction opposite the TARC side entrance.
Now this is really annoying. One should be warned if the bus driver plans to do so. If I was warned, surely I would get on a bus that goes through the route I prefer. It is just plain misleading to say you ply a certain route, but make changes. For that small change, one may have to walk an extra 15 minutes. Not to mention that the busses are not on time, wastes time waiting for the bus to fill up to the brim, then makes a mad dash for the next main destination. Here that would be the Wangsa Maju LRT station.
If the bus companies want to be competitive, lower your prices and such, go ahead. But I for one would not mind paying a little extra 20-30 cents for a cleaner better bus, which keeps to schedule and is more user friendly. Here, the busses charge 70 cents to 1 ringgit. The RapidKL feeder busses currently boast a RM 1 a day service. You get on, pay RM1, then for the rest of the day, go on unlimited rides within the local circuit. Just show your ticket for the day. These, I think are the currently the cleanest (newest) busses around.
In second place, is Metrobus. These busses are new with an okay crew of conductors and are currently using the route I prefer. Note that the new bus means better air conditioning, good working radio/speaker systems and comfortable seats. Old busses have small, cramped seats. I just can't figure out why. Were people in Malaysia smaller 5-10 years ago? I do not think so. I have often observed that people younger than myself more than not very short. I have however taken into account the fact that I am 183cm in height. But really, some of these guys are really small. Maybe the busses now are just plain wider.
In last place, albeit being the cheapest of the lot, is Len Seng Bus Company. The busses are old, air-con is like its name; a con. The air conditioning is really pitiful. They would do better to set up small fans inside. They can then charge the 60 cents for non air conditioned busses. It’s a scam. You want to charge less? Fine, just make sure you don't give me a under quality service. Because then, it would not be a cheaper service. It would just be a different service. Bah. With the number of busses plying this route, surely they can cater to the demand. But wait, they can not, because most of the busses waste time waiting, so when a bus from the same company come along, they just zoom by, and let the other bus pick everyone up. This is very bad and inconvenient for the public. We pay the same charge to pretend to be sardines in a smelly bus with miniature antique seats. But back in the day, they were just plain seats.
Sigh. Vision 2020. Seems like the people are trying very hard to make that 3030. Go figure.
08-06-2006 Thursday
Whoa! Hold up there. Remember the RapidKL service? An additional note, they don’t have conductors. I did say the busses are new, but only other factor in a service outside of the equipment is off course the person controlling it. Here is what matters.
Today, while on this particular bus service, I noticed that some passengers were trying to get off, the buzzer/bells were not working. Additionally, when 2 passengers were getting off, one hesitated and because of this delay, the driver made IMHO some rude comments. Now the bus was on the wrong side of the road because there were a line of busses blocking traffic (they were waiting for passengers). This would not have happened if the passengers had ringed the bell early so that the driver could stop behind the other busses. This off course was not possible.
So, all that money spent on new busses is ruined by slack in maintenance and rude, untrained drivers.
On a different note, I realized that earlier, I had failed to mention another bus service, the Permata Kiara service. Basically, this service is a competitor to the Len Seng service. (cheap, old busses for low fares) I only hope the overall service and the industry in general will improve.
In light of the upcoming World Cup 2006 Deutschland, some Malaysians have expressed their hopes that someday, our national squad may be in the finals. Or perhaps Malaysia could soon be the host of the event. I say? Not. Not until the people change their attitudes. But what do I know?
But all that aside, I can't for the life of me see this as a realizable option given the state of the Public Transport Service in this country.
For anyone who is a frequent user/commuter, surely you would understand my plight.
Anyone frequenting the routes from Jalan Genting Kelang, Setapak to the TAR College, TBR area should know. Sometimes the busses do not go straight to the TARC main entrance then on to UTAR. Instead, the busses might turn at the first junction opposite the TARC side entrance.
Now this is really annoying. One should be warned if the bus driver plans to do so. If I was warned, surely I would get on a bus that goes through the route I prefer. It is just plain misleading to say you ply a certain route, but make changes. For that small change, one may have to walk an extra 15 minutes. Not to mention that the busses are not on time, wastes time waiting for the bus to fill up to the brim, then makes a mad dash for the next main destination. Here that would be the Wangsa Maju LRT station.
If the bus companies want to be competitive, lower your prices and such, go ahead. But I for one would not mind paying a little extra 20-30 cents for a cleaner better bus, which keeps to schedule and is more user friendly. Here, the busses charge 70 cents to 1 ringgit. The RapidKL feeder busses currently boast a RM 1 a day service. You get on, pay RM1, then for the rest of the day, go on unlimited rides within the local circuit. Just show your ticket for the day. These, I think are the currently the cleanest (newest) busses around.
In second place, is Metrobus. These busses are new with an okay crew of conductors and are currently using the route I prefer. Note that the new bus means better air conditioning, good working radio/speaker systems and comfortable seats. Old busses have small, cramped seats. I just can't figure out why. Were people in Malaysia smaller 5-10 years ago? I do not think so. I have often observed that people younger than myself more than not very short. I have however taken into account the fact that I am 183cm in height. But really, some of these guys are really small. Maybe the busses now are just plain wider.
In last place, albeit being the cheapest of the lot, is Len Seng Bus Company. The busses are old, air-con is like its name; a con. The air conditioning is really pitiful. They would do better to set up small fans inside. They can then charge the 60 cents for non air conditioned busses. It’s a scam. You want to charge less? Fine, just make sure you don't give me a under quality service. Because then, it would not be a cheaper service. It would just be a different service. Bah. With the number of busses plying this route, surely they can cater to the demand. But wait, they can not, because most of the busses waste time waiting, so when a bus from the same company come along, they just zoom by, and let the other bus pick everyone up. This is very bad and inconvenient for the public. We pay the same charge to pretend to be sardines in a smelly bus with miniature antique seats. But back in the day, they were just plain seats.
Sigh. Vision 2020. Seems like the people are trying very hard to make that 3030. Go figure.
08-06-2006 Thursday
Whoa! Hold up there. Remember the RapidKL service? An additional note, they don’t have conductors. I did say the busses are new, but only other factor in a service outside of the equipment is off course the person controlling it. Here is what matters.
Today, while on this particular bus service, I noticed that some passengers were trying to get off, the buzzer/bells were not working. Additionally, when 2 passengers were getting off, one hesitated and because of this delay, the driver made IMHO some rude comments. Now the bus was on the wrong side of the road because there were a line of busses blocking traffic (they were waiting for passengers). This would not have happened if the passengers had ringed the bell early so that the driver could stop behind the other busses. This off course was not possible.
So, all that money spent on new busses is ruined by slack in maintenance and rude, untrained drivers.
On a different note, I realized that earlier, I had failed to mention another bus service, the Permata Kiara service. Basically, this service is a competitor to the Len Seng service. (cheap, old busses for low fares) I only hope the overall service and the industry in general will improve.
In light of the upcoming World Cup 2006 Deutschland, some Malaysians have expressed their hopes that someday, our national squad may be in the finals. Or perhaps Malaysia could soon be the host of the event. I say? Not. Not until the people change their attitudes. But what do I know?
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